10 Things Not To Say To Your Bridesmaids & How To Fix It

• Posted on 31st March 2014
• in Advice, The Relationships
• by Erica

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Congrats! You’re engaged! I’m sure you’ve already decided on who’s is going to be in your wedding party, especially your bridesmaids.  However, being a bride doesn’t entitle you to be a bitch, but sometimes brides-to-be form tunnel vision where the only thing they can imagine is “their day” and not consider anyone else but themselves.  Don’t let these awful things slip out of your mouth to your bridesmaids or you’ll find your closest friends slowly distancing themselves.

10 Things Not To Say To Your Bridesmaids

(Unless You Want This Reaction)
And How To Avoid It or Fix The Situation If You Already Goofed Up

1. “You to lose weight if you want to be in my wedding.”

Imagine how you would feel if your partner said this to you before you got engaged? That the only way he would accept you is if you were skinny? I’d bet you wouldn’t be getting married and your friends would be comforting you on what a huge jerk he was.

You should love your bridesmaids exactly how they are.  They were there for you during the highs and lows of your relationships and supported you no matter what.  Asking her to be your bridesmaid means you consider her one of your closest gal pals, telling her to lose weight means you never really accepted her for who she is.

THE FIX: If those awful words have already slipped out of your mouth, then a sincere apology is in order, maybe over a private lunch or drinks, letting her know you were insensitive and love her just they way she is.

2. “But $500 isn’t too much for a bridesmaid dress.”

Every one knows that by being a bridesmaid, you’re saying yes to a list of associated expenses. But not everyone has the bankroll to throw out several hundred dollars on a dress (heels and accessories) they will never use again.  Yes, it’s your day, but bridesmaids may not have the luxury of the same budget as you.

THE FIX: If you haven’t considered the dresses yet, sit down with your entourage and discuss budgets and come up with a price range everyone can live with.  If you’ve already had your heart set on a designer gown for them, agree to shop around - there are cheaper copycat alternatives out there.  Trust me, no one attending your wedding will be able to tell the difference between your dream dresses and what you ultimately decide upon.

3. “I know your a DD, but this strapless, backless dress is exactly what I want everyone to wear”

Coming from someone who is a natural DD (or a triple D), the last thing we want to hear is strapless or backless - it makes it impossible to keep the girls up where they belong.  Not to mention a nightmare to shop for appropriate undergarments.  It’s called gravity and it doesn’t look good without the proper support.

Picture this: you’re all lined up for photos and your one curvacious bridesmaids is rockin’ your strapless neckline gown down by her belly button.  Not a good look for your wedding photos.

THE FIX: Vary your bridesmaid dresses according to their body types.  A mix and match bridesmaid ensemble is better looking than 6 identical clones standing next to you.  Or, if you must, allow us curvy babes to have straps added to our dresses.

4. “My wedding… my wedding… my wedding … but it’s my day … oh and for my wedding …”

We miss the days when we went out for dinner and drinks and just talked. We understand that your wedding is probably going to consume you until the big day arrives, but can we have a girls night out that isn’t focused just on your wedding (other than your bachlorette party)?  We’d really appreciate some downtime too.

THE FIX: Try to schedule a girls night out that doesn’t involve any wedding talk.  You need some time off to relax too.

5. “I need all of you to look exactly the same, I want …. “

Besides looking like robots, think about the feelings (and budgets) of the ladies in your wedding party.  Why must they all look the same?  Isn’t variety the spice of life?

THE FIX: There are certain things you can’t dictate, such as if they cut their hair or not.  If you choose to go this route be prepared for disgruntled bridesmaids and/or someone mysteriously dropping out of your wedding party.  If they really must have the same hairstyles and makeup offer to pay towards the bill, or hire someone for the morning of the wedding for everyone.  As for shoes, not everyone will feel comfortable in the same shoes - so make sure you have flip flops on hand for those who have aching feet or agree that shoes can be different (maybe compromise and all have the same color).   Instead of making them buy the same jewelry perhaps use this as your bridesmaids gift to them.

6. “You will need to foot the bill / plan / host my bridal shower and here is my guest list”

While it would be nice to have a bridal shower hosted for you, it isn’t mandatory and it should never be expected.  While it may be tradition that brides have a shower, it is a bit pretentious to assume your bridesmaids will be able to foot the bill for an enormous party on your behalf.  Chances are someone is going to coordinate something, let them plan it without your help.

THE FIX: Be gracious and accept whatever fête is thrown in your honor.  If your bridesmaids, MOH or FMIL are coordinating a party they will find out your guest list somehow.  Whether it is an afternoon tea or a backyard BBQ appreciate the gesture and be thankful to those who planned it no matter what their budget or style is.  It isn’t a reflection of you or your wedding.

7. “Let’s go to The Bahamas / Paris / Las Vegas / (insert destination) for a weekend bachelorette party”

If they’re your besties, they should know exactly what you’d want and what makes you tick.  Sure it’s nice to throw ideas around, but to expect a destination bachelorette party is, well, obnoxious.  Let them plan a girls night out for you - I promise it will still be a fantastic time.  After all, it’s all about the last night out with your girls as a single woman, not the destination, isn’t it?

THE FIX: If you really have to have your hands in the planning, bring it up during a get together but do it in a way that invites conversation and collaboration.  “What do you guys think about going away for a weekend somewhere?” leaves it open for discussion - and will go over much better than “I want to go to Vegas for a 4 day weekend, who’s in?”

8. “You must attend every fitting, shopping excursion, crafting day, dinner, party and after party.”

Your bridesmaids have lives too, the only one that has to be at all these events is you.  You can’t expect your bridesmaids to be able to drop every weekend plan they have to attend every event.  Sure it would be nice, but sometimes it’s not always possible.

THE FIX: “I would really appreciate it if you could attend the (most important) events.”  Remember, the only event that is mandatory when being a bridesmaid is the wedding.  As long as they attend that, that’s all that matters.

9. “I’m DIYing everything for my wedding day including the centerpieces, the decor, the bouquets and the favors and you must help me.”

Time is money.  Ask yourself how much money are you really saving by DIYing your entire wedding.  Your bridesmaids didn’t apply to be Martha Stewart’s assistants and they didn’t envision every weekend leading up to your wedding burning their fingers on hot glue guns and getting paper cuts rolling paper flowers.

THE FIX:  Don’t DIY your entire wedding, outsource many of your tasks.  I don’t necessarily mean hire vendors, but if you find pre-made centerpieces, bouquets, decor from a crafter on an online marketplace such as Etsy, utilize them.   If you must enlist your bridesmaids for help, set up 1 night in a month and tackle the largest project you need help with and offer finger foods, music and wine - the night will be much more enjoyable.

10. “I have to cut my guest list.  I’m only inviting married couples and I know you and your beau have been dating for 5 years but absolutely no +1s.”

Your bridesmaids are making a huge commitment to being in your wedding, they deserve to have their partners there too even if they aren’t married. It will make them enjoy the day even more if they have their beau by their side at the festivities.

THE FIX: Of course keeping a guest list within your budget is fine, but the few extra guests that will accompany your bridal party shouldn’t be a make or break decision.   While you may have agreed to no +1s for your general guest list, and that’s fine, make the exception for your single bridal party guests who are in long term relationships - they’ve done a lot for you, this is one thing you can do to show them your appreciation.   The only exception would be if one of your bridesmaids is completely unattached and is just going to bring along her flavor of the week.

What are some of the outrageous demands you have heard as a bridesmaid?  Was there anything the bride-to-be said that really irked you?  Share in the comments below!

Tags: bridesmaids, relationships, Wedding Advice