10 Things To Do Before He Proposes
You can sense a proposal is lingering. Maybe you’ve been together for a while, maybe he says things like “when we get married” or he starts talking about future plans that involve kids and a home. Maybe your friends are asking you what types of rings you like. Or perhaps you’ve already discussed getting engaged like my beau and I have. Whatever the situation is, there are 10 things you should do before he proposes.
- Start planning. Make A Secret or Not So Secret Pinterest board. Weddings take a long time to plan. Start collecting ideas about the type of wedding you want, the dress, the colors, decor – etc. This way when he pops the question, you have ideas you can start working with. If he’s into the planning too, you can share your boards and discuss your likes and dreams. If he’s like my beau, we’ve already begun the preliminary planning even though he hasn’t popped the question. We’ve narrowed down the months we’d like to get married in and what type of wedding we each want. (I’d be happy with getting eloped, he wants a traditional wedding/reception).
- Be realistic about your budget. While we many may dream about that $10,000 Kleinfield dress, maybe there are alternate, cheaper options that you can explore. If you know that you’re going to have to foot at least part of the bill, start thinking of items you can live with and live without. And if you’re smart, you’ll start putting aside some cash for when the wedding planning actually begins.
- Drop hints about the ring you want. If you’ve already discussed getting hitched there’s nothing wrong with nudging him in the right direction. Guys want to pick out the perfect ring, the one that you’re sure to love. No guy wants to pick out the wrong ring! Not knowing can cause him stress. If you don’t want to give him a direct hint there are subtle ways – sharing your Pinterest board, confiding in a close friend (one he’s sure to ask for help), “like”ing a ring via a Facebook link on the jeweler’s page will often post to your page. Some websites like Brillant Earth (where the 3 rings above are from) even have a “drop a hint” button! But also be realistic, he may not be able to afford a 2 carat, internally flawless, D color diamond. Go with a shape of diamond and style of setting and let him choose from there.
- Know your ring size. Don’t make him guess! A friend got engaged only to have her ring be a size too big. It took 2 weeks before the jeweler could resize it. If you don’t know your size, go to a jeweler and find it out. Make sure he knows it too when you drop your hint.
- Start scoping out vendors or wedding planners. If you know you’re going to go with a planner, start asking for recommendations and do your research of planners in your area. Same for DJs, photographers, bakers, etc… If you know you are looking for a unique venue, or a venue with a cityscape view, or something outdoorsy – start making a list of places you want to look at – it will cut down a lot of time doing it now rather than later. And since most venues book out about a year (or more) in advance, this is one of those tasks you’ll need to tackle shortly after you get engaged if you want your ideal date.
- Initiate Important Conversations now is the time to discuss your ideals on religion, values, kids (and disciplining those kids), sex and if relocating is in your future. If any of your views are in strong conflict with his and you aren’t able to compromise on them, you may want to think twice about him being the perfect partner. Don’t dream of getting engaged just because you want to get married, but get engaged because he is the perfect one for you. Imagine if you dream of children, and he doesn’t want any. At first you may think you can persuade him, but if he’s really set against kids and you really want them – this will be a major source of conflict for you. If you are not willing to compromise at all on these topics, then it’s time to reconsider your relationship – pronto.
- Talk About The Proposal Guys have fun planning and popping the question, so we’re not saying tell him exactly what you want (hey you do want to be surprised don’t you?) but subtly drop hints like, “Hey did you see this cool Youtube video?” (or share it on social media!) Or, “So, Jane and John just got engaged, he invited the entire family from both sides to go out to dinner and everyone but Jane knew beforehand – I would be so embarrassed, I wouldn’t want a big audience like that!” Or, “I think it was awesome that John had a friend hide in the back and take photos so Jane didn’t notice and it was captured on film.” If you have a tradition or expectation, let it be know.
- Never Say No if you know the question is coming, never say no to his night out or big plans he may be making. You never know if that date night was the night he was hopping you’d say yes!
- Always Look Your Best if you know he has something planned (a dinner, a date night, or maybe just a surprise!) make sure your hair, nails and makeup are done! As temping and as comfortable as it may be, don’t go out in sweats, your hair pulled up in a knotted, messy bun and no makeup on if he say’s he taking you out. I know this sounds vain, but if he’s planned a really nice, night out for you (and is planning on having it secretly photographed), you’ll want to look polished.
- Relax! You may not know when the exact moment is he will propose, so don’t stress. Doing so may only get your expectations up and may lead to disappointment if things don’t go exactly as you envisioned. If you relax and go with the flow, you will be able to enjoy the moment. Just have fun now before he pops the question – because it’s all planning after he does!